I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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