i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
