Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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