she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
