I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
