bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize