Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
