Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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