even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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