He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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