we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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