No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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