you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
