What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
