So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I could fuck to npr.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
