It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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