I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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