but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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