know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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