Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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