ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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