You really coming over, don't trick.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
