Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
