wat bout pragnant strippers??
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
