I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
