Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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