shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
