Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
