sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
