dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
