Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
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Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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