I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize