Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
