I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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