so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
