So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
