she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
