True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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