I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
