The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
