i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
