She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
