the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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