i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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