sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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