she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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