sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
