before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
