She is in my trunk
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
