and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
