I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
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I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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