I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
