I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
