Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
