I wish I could punch you in the face.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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