Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
