also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize