Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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