We named our party play list daddy issues
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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