Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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