It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
