pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
