my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
