Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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