when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
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Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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