I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
