Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
