i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
