I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
